Thursday, December 30, 2010

Time Travel part 2

I know you're not supposed to look back, but I can't help it. I was cleaning out my inbox. I hate clutter and as I had no where to be today, I decided to go through the task of deleting emails that were no longer relevant. I have a self proclaimed aversion to numbers (I'm pretty sure it's some kind of learning disability), so I really can't remember if I had 3456 or 4892 or some other crazy big number of emails when I got started, but there were a lot. I would like to happily report that there are only 429 left (I know this number is accurate because I didn't have to remember it. It was clearly posted at the bottom of the page of my inbox.)

I created said email account when I was serving my mission in Italy because I had encountered some problems with my BYU email account. Mostly I was just super annoyed that it often wasn't working during the only time out of the whole week when I could check it. Thus was born the hotmail account. Now because of this, I have some emails saved since 2002! Crazy, I know! Especially because I think some of the kids in my ward in Orem may have not even been born yet! I digress . . .

The first step in cleaning out your inbox (especially when you've waited this long) is to just go through and pick out the ones you know you don't even need to read, just delete. Like all the Facebook notifications you used to get before you realized that you could change your settings so that you didn't need to hear every time someone made a comment after you made a comment on someone's photo or status. Also all the recipes you used to get from Martha Stewart (I know she wrote them personally to me) that probably don't even link to the recipe anymore because it hasn't been on the site for a few years.

My next step was to also delete all items related to my former calling as Stake YSA Rep. Can I just say how absolutely LIBERATING that felt?!?! And there was no worry. Now that I live in a completely different place, those emails are totally irrelevant! LIBERATED!!!

The last step on this metaphorical cleaning of the inbox is to go through (and I mean read or at least skim) the rest of the emails and decide if there are anymore that you can delete. This step is, of course, not normally required and is going above and beyond, but if you really want your inbox to be purged, it is necessary. You can read these remaining emails in either order, going from the newest to the oldest or the reverse - it's up to you. I prefer going from oldest to newest because then I feel they make more sense and so I did today.

This is the part where it all started to come together. After my last post, I have been sorta amazed at how time travel has sprouted into a little theme (I'm sure it's temporary) in my life. At least the topic continues to draw attention to itself. The Back to the Future trilogy being shown every night this week? Funny. Weird, even.

I managed to watch all three, though not in the right order (which is a shame). Tonight I was watching the second one (I had already watched the first and third) as I was reading through the emails that made the first couple of cuts. I realized as I watched Marty and Doc go back to 1955 again, that I, myself, was, in a way, traveling through time. Other people just write in their journals, but I'm the kind of lazy that would rather go through all my 3000+ old emails to preserve a record of my life than write directly to my posterity.

Coincidentally, I was also kind of traveling through time by using the DVR to pause when I needed to go to the bathroom etc. and then fast forward through the commercials and eventually, go . . . . back to the future! Unless I was just going back to my present? I dunno . . . I'll tell you what though, if they had shown some kind of DVR technology in the Back to the Future when they go to 2015, I would not have believed it. Think about it! Pausing TV! Rewinding TV! Fast forwarding through annoying commercials! It's ridiculous! Ridiculously AWESOME! I'm a huge fan. Except when someone in my family doesn't know I'm watching something "in the past" (you know, like when you don't plan to record something, you just start watching and the next thing you know you're watching 20 minutes behind the schedule) and changes the channel. Then all is lost! Especially if the show is already over in real time.

So where am I going with all this? Why, I'll share that with you right now!

A couple of things I learned from my trip back in time . . .

1. Internet used to take up your phone line. Not new information, but I had completely forgotten about that.

2. I am funniest when writing to my longtime friend, Jess. I'm not sure what it is about her that brings out the comedienne in me, but in the future *drum/cymbals sound you hear when a cheesy joke is told*, I will try to imagine these blog posts are intended for her so that you can all benefit from her comedic influence on me.

3. My former mission companion, Aleta, will probably never change (which is ok with me). After an update of her life in one of the emails including some details of her difficult first pregnancy, she closed with "you should go to this website it has fart noises on it." Classic.

4. Most budding relationships come to nothing and quickly, too. I can't even count how many boys I read about from girl friends of mine (most of which are now happily married - the girls, I mean). I had my fair share of crushes that came to nothing. Some of which I had forgotten. Quite a few of these boys couldn't even be counted as a notch in a timeline of our lives. This is great perspective for me.

5. Also, I'm boy crazy. Or at least I was boy crazy. Not a revelation, I know. I just thought it was funny how often my friends asked about boys in emails to me. Pretty much every message asked if there were any "boys" or "hotties" in my life at the respective time or about boys I had mentioned in previous emails. It's just funny how everyone expected it of me.

6. People have a way of coming back into your life. There are two people that I'm thinking of specifically that I haven't seen in a really long time.

One of these people I didn't really expect I'd see again or at least I had decided that I didn't need to ever see him again. Reading through the emails that had survived all these years, I realized that we used to have a really good time together. It was a fun friendship. But I had feelings that weren't reciprocated and basically I wasn't a priority in his life, so in my usual bitter way, I "moved on".

As women, we like to move on because then we feel empowered. I admit that I did. I also did my usual thing of trying to only remember his offenses (this, of course, prevents my regression).

His offenses were pretty legit. He "double booked" our hangout appointments (I don't presume to call them dates) more than once. I was done. Which was fine, until I ran into him a couple of weeks ago. I admit that it was a total curve ball. I had prepared myself to run into a lot of old friends that day at church, but he was not one of them. I pretended it was no big deal as I first encountered him, but I definitely needed to process. In the end, I didn't go about the whole thing in a very friendly way (I left without really saying goodbye) and there isn't anything I can do about it now. In my "moving on" I deleted his number and even his email address. I guess I just wish I could have been a little better behaved. He didn't deserve what he got - a somewhat cold greeting. The truth is that there never could have been a relationship there and I knew it. It was my pride taking the lead and I shouldn't have let it.

The second person is a good friend that I actually haven't seen yet, but if things go as planned, I will be seeing very soon. This old friend never injured me. In fact, I injured him. Tonight, as I reread his messages, I found that he never once acted cold or offended. Always kind, always friendly. Always showing immense respect. On top of that, he's been developing over all these years. Becoming. I can't wait to see how far he's come and get a glimpse of how far he'll go. He truly has been an important example in my life though he's often said the same to me. I'm truly lucky to be crossing paths with him again.

Aaaaaaand . . . there I go talking about boys again.


  1. Yay! I'm happy to be your muse.

    Reading over old emails/journals can be really fun. Remember that one time we were stuck on the never-ending flight back to Utah and we read your high school journal and totally annoyed the people around us because we were laughing so hard???

    I'm also really trying to figure out who the last two people are. Stupid pregnancy brain.

  2. At least we were/are boy crazy together Rach! :)

    I love that I immediately knew which Jess you were talking about. :)