My first retraction (kind of). Wow, that was fast.

Ok, so I feel I should clarify something after my last (actually my first) post. Married people are cool and being married is the bomb (I have inside sources). These are truly feelings that I espouse. After posting I realized that my opening statements may have come off sounding like I look down on married women and especially stay at home moms. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am, in fact, extremely jealous of them. Their life is exactly what I want and what I expected to be doing by now. The problem is that I often have a hard time relating because I feel like I have been single my whole life . . . oh wait! I HAVE BEEN SINGLE MY WHOLE LIFE! Thirty years and 223 days to be exact. Which . . . is . . . kind of a long time (especially when you start liking boys and dreaming of marriage at an early age). Anyway, I don't mean to sound desperate, cause I'm not. But I really wish I were in their shoes. Because even though changing diapers isn't always fun and trying to get kids to pay attention to what your saying sometimes feels IMPOSSIBLE, at least you know why you're doing what you're doing. You have these amazing gifts from God to bring up right and teach them to be caring human beings and contributing members of society. Your purpose is so clear. I have been preparing my whole life to do that. And instead of fulfilling the purpose of my creation I'm floundering trying to figure out what to do in the meantime. I know I should probably be starting a non-profit or something, but all I really want to do is comfort my baby when she cries or teach my little boy how to read. And watch in amazement as their personalities develop and one day I'll wake up and they'll be adults. Also, I would really like an awesome man who loves me and with whom I can make decisions and share my hopes and dreams.

The good news is that I am so lucky to be living with my brother's family so that I get to be the live-in-but-with-her-own-apartment-in-the-basement Aunt Rachel (and don't even try to compare my life to Family Matters, because I always hated that show. And it wasn't even necessarily Steve Urkel that was the worst - I mean when he turned into Stefan Urquelle, he was pretty darn smooth. It was the dad and even Laura. They were always so rude, but I digress . . .) I get to enjoy a little slice of heaven daily and I love it. I don't even mind changing diapers as strange as that sounds. It's just nice to be part of the important work of nurturing. So when you're having a hard day with your babies (no matter how old) just think of your friend, Rachel, who is working daily to keep her faith and hope alive that she will get to be just like you someday.